When Blaming is Normalized

At the beginning of 2026, we were shocked and devastated by the news of a six-year-old girl who died in a traffic accident in Singapore. According to official reports, the child was struck by a car and later passed away in the hospital. The driver was arrested, and investigations are ongoing.

Beyond the confirmed facts, much of the public conversation unfolded on social media. In various posts and comment sections, many users expressed anger and claimed that the driver appeared to blame the victim instead of immediately taking responsibility. These reactions spread quickly online, and much of the outrage focused not only on the accident itself, but on what people perceived as a lack of empathy and accountability.

It is important to note that while the accident and legal process are officially reported, many detailed descriptions of the driver’s exact words or behavior come from social-media discussions, not formal news statements. However, the intensity of the online response reveals something deeper: people are deeply disturbed by what they believe is victim-blaming, especially in moments that call for compassion.

This situation became a reflection for me.

How many of us have normalized blaming — either blaming others or being blamed — in our daily lives or in our workplaces?

I am not surprised that this habit exists. Some of us were raised in environments that demanded perfection — flawless performance, no mistakes allowed. But that expectation is unrealistic. We are human.

When we grow up in cultures where mistakes are punished instead of understood, we learn to protect ourselves. Instead of admitting errors, we look for something or someone else to blame — other people, circumstances, bad luck, or anything that shifts responsibility away from us.

Some of us were raised by parents who became extremely angry over small mistakes, never asking why or how something happened, but immediately judging. Later in life, we may meet teachers, friends, or bosses who behave the same way. It can feel like a cycle that never ends.

Over time, without realizing it, we may copy the same behavior. We pass it on to our children. We apply it to our teams.

Can we stop it?

Yes, we can — but only if we consciously choose to.

It starts with acknowledging that we are human, and making mistakes is part of learning.

We do not need to be perfect. Our emotions, focus, and energy are not constant. There will be moments when we misinterpret instructions, overlook details, or make poor decisions. That is normal. When you notice a mistake, fix it if you can. If it involves others, gather the courage to apologize and admit your part — including why it happened. Then do your best to correct it, and if possible, go the extra mile to rebuild trust.

If you are a leader or senior manager, do not assume you are above mistakes. There will be times when you approve something too quickly, fail to double-check, or make the wrong call. Your team may be afraid of you, which makes it easy to shift the blame onto them.

But leadership is not about protecting your ego.

It is about setting an example.

If you approved something without checking carefully, admit that. Take responsibility for your part. Then sit with your team and learn together where the mistake happened and how to prevent it in the future.

Trying to appear “perfect” — someone who never makes mistakes — is unrealistic. I once worked under a manager who claimed she never made mistakes. We all knew that wasn’t true. Working under her felt like constantly being blamed for errors you did not even understand. It created fear, not growth.

When team members are afraid, they hide mistakes instead of discussing them.

And that is dangerous.

I remember working under a manager who used to say, “I accept no mistakes from you.” As a result, whenever someone made an error, we tried to fix it quietly or hide it. That culture did not create excellence — it created anxiety.

If someone on your team makes a mistake, investigate calmly. Create space for discussion. Stay open so they feel safe being open with you. Keep the atmosphere constructive. Listen before judging. At the end of the conversation, remind them that mistakes are normal. What matters most is how we admit, solve, and learn from them.

How we react defines us.

When something goes wrong — whether it is our mistake or someone else’s — people remember our reaction. Do we panic and blame? Or do we stay calm and focus on solutions?

Feeling panic is human. Blaming is a choice.

After I left the banking industry and moved into the wellness industry, I experienced a very different culture. There, people were valued as human beings with emotions and perspectives. I learned how to lead with empathy, how to express gratitude, and how to communicate dissatisfaction constructively instead of critically.

Have I faced major mistakes in my career? Yes.

In one event project, two events were accidentally scheduled in the same studio at the same time. We only realized it on the morning of the events. Did we immediately search for who made the mistake? No.

We focused on solving the problem.

There were no available studios in our building, so we searched for external venues. Once we secured one, we prepared everything quickly, added special touches, and informed facilitators and participants about the change. Because we knew the situation caused inconvenience, we offered restaurant vouchers as a gesture of goodwill. The new venue happened to be located above a healthy restaurant that was launching a special menu, so we collaborated with them.

In the end, it became a win-win solution. Participants appreciated the thoughtful gesture, and the restaurant benefited from the exposure.

If this had happened in my previous workplace, the first discussion might have been about who was at fault.

But instead, we asked: “How do we fix this?”

That shift in focus changes everything.

Instead of investing energy in blame, we can invest energy in solutions.

Instead of protecting our ego, we can protect our integrity.

Instead of normalizing blame, we can normalize accountability.

Mistakes are inevitable. Blame is optional.

The real measure of character — whether as a parent, colleague, or leader — is not whether we make mistakes, but how we respond when we do.

Let us stop normalizing blame and start normalizing responsibility, empathy, and growth.